“You cannot use your time to the best advantage if you do not make some sort of plan.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

December 2015

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

I will NEVER forget these words and the way I felt after hearing this from my IVF physician in September 2015. I heard these words over and over in my mind for many months following that appointment. I asked myself the same questions over and over again…

  • How could this be happening?
  • How could my biggest dream have another obstacle within it? 
  • Why was this happening? 
  • Wasn’t it enough that I had to use a sperm donor? 
  • How would I EVER pick an egg donor?? 

This went on for many months and I cried many tears. I felt a lot of loss during this time as I am sure all other women in my position have felt. It still brings tears to my eyes. Throughout my soul searching I kept coming back to one image – me as a mother. It was clear, I needed a plan.

I spent many days near the ocean as I came to terms with my situation. The ocean brought me a sense of peace and acceptance. Here is where I found the strength to keep moving ahead. 


I slowly began to look for an egg donor. I’m not going to lie, this was a big mind F$&K!!  There was no one like me – someone who looked like me, shared my  likes and dislikes, shared the same heritage. It felt impossible to pick someone. I was overwhelmed and frankly so sad about my situation. It was the little  things – my green eyes, my freckles, my height, the certainty around my health background. There was so much to consider. I felt sick each time I looked for a donor. 

Cautiously I continued my search and I kept coming back to one woman in particular. We looked somewhat alike, but she wasn’t me. We had similar interests, but she wasn’t me. It went on and on. To be honest, I was so so scared. Picking an egg donor was much scarier than picking a sperm donor. 

In December 2015 I finally selected the donor. She was as close as I was going to get. I liked certain things about her – she seemed happy, we shared some similar features, we were interested in simiair activities, she was smart, she was healthy and she had demonstrated pregnancies from her previous 5 donations. 

Yes, 5 DONATIONS!!! And, most important, she was an open donor. This meant I could meet her and she was open to  meeting my child one day should they desire this. 

As I closed out 2015 I had a plan… the journey toward motherhood moved forward. 

CMV, Genetic Tests, Acupuncture, Prenatal Vitamins, Clomide, IUI, HSG, SAT… Oh My! 

Who knew there was so much to consider and do when trying to conceive. My question, “What would have happened if I just went to a bar, had a one-night stand and got knocked up??”  

I know more about my potential baby daddy than I do any other man I have ever slept with. Initially at least. 

No, this doesn’t mean I’m a slut but rather it would have been weird to say, “Ummmm, excuse me, while you take your clothes off can you tell me your:

  • Grade point average
  • Genetic test results
  • CMV – positive or negative (who has ever even heard of this one !?!)
  • SAT scores
  • Mom and dad’s height/ weight
  • What historical event you would have liked to witness
  • Personality assessment

Oh, and, by any chance do you have your baby photo in your back pocket?  Three photos preferably. 

I’m grateful to have all of these things about donor 14127, but it is also WEIRD and overwhelming. 

People ask, “Why this donor?”  I guess it is just a feeling I have. Hard to explain. Unless you have been in this position it might be hard to understand. After looking at what seems like thousands of  profiles again and again I kept coming back to “him” – donor 14127. He is an “anonymous” donor, which means he wishes to not be contacted in the future. This brings up some questions in my mind:

  • Is it fair to select an anonymous donor?
  • Will my child be upset that they cannot find this individual in the future? 

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but the reality is that most donors choose to remain anonymous. 

Another topic that I should probably cover is my frozen eggs. Will I be using these right now or not?  I have decided to save those eggs for another day and undergo an IUI instead. What is IUI? 

  • Intrauterine insemination (IUI) involves a lab to separate fast moving sperm from sluggish or non-moving sperm
  • The fast moving sperm are then placed into the woman’s womb close to the time of ovulation when the egg is released from the ovary in the middle of the monthly cycle



Going with the IUI route I am able to save my eggs for later. Perhaps I will meet someone someday and we can have a baby together. Or, maybe in a few years I will want a 2nd child and I’ll have “old” eggs so I’ll need my frozen eggs. Who knew that someone in their late 30’s could have old eggs :). Basically, this just gives me more options in the future. 

With all these decisions made the countdown begins. 1 month until we (me, dr., donor 14127 and God) make a baby…



Photo credit: Fol Greetings 

Photo credit: Sisu Hospital