The day had come. The day I was going to meet the potential female, genetic link to my child. How am I feeling… scared, anxious, uncertain, excited, sad, nervous, grateful.
So many emotions all mixed up. What happens if I don’t like her? What happens if there is something weird about her? What happens if we don’t connect? What happens if I have to start all over? The risks of actually meeting are a reality now. I have thought about this meeting so many times. I have sought professional guidance on what to do. I keep coming to the same answer – “Tiffany, you must meet her.” Despite this answer, it is NOT easy. I will be her 6th donation and not a single family has elected to meet her. That shows you how hard it actually is.
Why do I want to meet her?
Since I have to pick both genetic sides, sperm and egg, I want to at least have some sort of connection to one of them.
Some of my reasons… I do not intend to keep my child’s genetics a secret. I intend to share age appropriate information throughout the years and this meeting will give me important pieces to the puzzle. I am a curious person so I will likely raise a curious child. Lastly, I never, ever want to have to answer “no” when my child looks at me and asks, ” Mom, could you have met the sperm or egg donor?”
As I drive to meet her at Starbucks I am filled with anxious nervousness. I find a parking spot and just sit. I have arrived early which only gives me more time to think, damn it!
As the meeting time approaches I make my way into Starbucks. As I enter the coffee shop, I see her. I am a few people behind her in line. She doesn’t see me. I spend the next few minutes watching her. What do I notice?
- She is polite to the Barista
- She is soft spoken
- She is confident
- She is pretty
She finds a table outside where I eventually walk out to meet her. These few steps were extremely hard, but necessary.
But there was only one option – keep walking.
We embrace one another and I immediately like her. I can tell she is just as nervous as I am. Five previous donations and only one meeting like this.
We talk about so many things –
- Life experiences
- Likes/ dislikes
- Childhood experiences
- Parents – their thoughts on her numerous egg donations. They are supportive
- Her motivation for donating – she states this is because she has a desire to help someone like me. I can’t help but wonder, does money play a role? It must.
- My intense desire to be a mother
- Our future relationship – I will dictate this. She is open to meeting my child in the future should they have this desire. All necessary legal steps will be taken to ensure I am the driver of any and all contact.
There are several moments during our meeting where I almost experience an out of body observation of us. I hear my mind saying, “This is the woman who will give part of the genetics to my child. This is the woman who will give part of the genetics to my child.”
After spending time together we embrace one another and take a photo. I will forever keep this photo as it is a reminder of my strength and her generosity.
As I get back to my car I just sit. What emotions do I have now? Hopefulness.
What an amazing time we live in. One step closer to becoming a mother.