“You cannot use your time to the best advantage if you do not make some sort of plan.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

December 2015

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

“You have only a 10-12% chance of having your own genetic child.”

I will NEVER forget these words and the way I felt after hearing this from my IVF physician in September 2015. I heard these words over and over in my mind for many months following that appointment. I asked myself the same questions over and over again…

  • How could this be happening?
  • How could my biggest dream have another obstacle within it? 
  • Why was this happening? 
  • Wasn’t it enough that I had to use a sperm donor? 
  • How would I EVER pick an egg donor?? 

This went on for many months and I cried many tears. I felt a lot of loss during this time as I am sure all other women in my position have felt. It still brings tears to my eyes. Throughout my soul searching I kept coming back to one image – me as a mother. It was clear, I needed a plan.

I spent many days near the ocean as I came to terms with my situation. The ocean brought me a sense of peace and acceptance. Here is where I found the strength to keep moving ahead. 


I slowly began to look for an egg donor. I’m not going to lie, this was a big mind F$&K!!  There was no one like me – someone who looked like me, shared my  likes and dislikes, shared the same heritage. It felt impossible to pick someone. I was overwhelmed and frankly so sad about my situation. It was the little  things – my green eyes, my freckles, my height, the certainty around my health background. There was so much to consider. I felt sick each time I looked for a donor. 

Cautiously I continued my search and I kept coming back to one woman in particular. We looked somewhat alike, but she wasn’t me. We had similar interests, but she wasn’t me. It went on and on. To be honest, I was so so scared. Picking an egg donor was much scarier than picking a sperm donor. 

In December 2015 I finally selected the donor. She was as close as I was going to get. I liked certain things about her – she seemed happy, we shared some similar features, we were interested in simiair activities, she was smart, she was healthy and she had demonstrated pregnancies from her previous 5 donations. 

Yes, 5 DONATIONS!!! And, most important, she was an open donor. This meant I could meet her and she was open to  meeting my child one day should they desire this. 

As I closed out 2015 I had a plan… the journey toward motherhood moved forward. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s