“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen” – Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Making the decision to become a parent is a huge deal. I know I’m stating the obvious, but when it is upon you to actually make, it seems so much larger than life and even myself.

How can little ol’ me be a Mommy AND a Daddy? How will I explain to a little human where their Daddy is?  This haunts me a bit, but like everything else I guess I will figure it out and come up with a satisfactory answer… “Insert answer.”  

After exploring adoption in Nevada and really thinking about this as an option, I have decided to instead have a baby via donor and artificial insemination. Wow, I actually am doing this! Holy shit!  Exciting and scary as hell!

It is said that when a decision is made and one takes control, they feel relieved. This has actually been somewhat true for me. 

I don’t know if this is because, in my mind, I am now free from the desire to meet a man at this moment? I have come to a place where the thought of being vulnerable one more time is too scary for me. I prefer to put this energy and effort toward starting my family.  I pray and really, really want to believe that I will one day again open my heart to love. 

The things that flood my mind are:

  • What will my child draw when they draw a picture of their family? (Mommy and…imaginary Daddy?)
  • How will I answer the question of, “What can you tell me about my Daddy?” 
  • What will I respond when asked, “Where is my Daddy?”
  • What is bigger – nurture or nature?
  • Who will come to every Dr. appointment with me? (I currently live 3.000 miles from my Mom)
  • Who will talk to my belly other than me?
  • Who will come to parent teacher conferences with me?
  • Who will tell me that even though my body is changing, it is still beautiful?

The list goes on and on. BUT, despite all of this, I am still moving forward and doing it. I will take each day as a blessing and do my best to remember that I made the right choice. 



Photo credit: Jennifer Salem 

2 thoughts on ““Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen” – Ralph Waldo Emmerson

  1. Judith Grodowitz March 12, 2015 / 1:26 pm

    great to read this Tiff. And, you have some family here in NYC who can do things with you!!!

    Like

    • Lady and Baby March 12, 2015 / 1:44 pm

      Thank you! There are no other two people that I want close by 💙

      Like

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